On being… A Procrastinator

I'm sitting in a queue waiting for my car to pass a safety test, and I thought I’d write a blog post. However, I’m staring at a blank screen, unsure of what to write. So, I decided to write about procrastination. What is procrastination? Why does it exist, and how can we combat it?

First, let’s consider what procrastination is. According to Psychology Today, “Everyone puts things off sometimes, but procrastinators chronically avoid difficult tasks and may deliberately look for distractions.” In other words, procrastination is a form of avoidance, offering ways to feel better about it. For example, a procrastinator might say, “I may not have written that difficult email, but look how clean my bathroom is!”

So why does procrastination exist? To answer this, we can consider the benefits of avoidance. In my experience with clients, the most common benefit is avoiding the discomfort that comes with anxiety, such as a racing heart or shallow breathing. Why do people feel anxious about attempting certain tasks? The answer lies in the stories our Rooted Mind tells us. When working with procrastinators, I look for the “I worry that…” statements that generate anxiety. For example, “If I send the email, I worry that people will get angry with me,” or “If I try to put up the shelf, I worry that I won’t be able to do it.”

If you procrastinate, I urge you to ask yourself if there are any “I worry that” statements about the task you are currently avoiding.

How do we begin to manage procrastination? In my work, I use the two-minds approach to help empower clients to make changes. The Rooted Mind generates our thoughts and feelings, telling stories that can lead to avoidance by reminding us of uncertainties. However, we also have our Conscious Mind, which is home to our kindness, wisdom, values, and logic. This is the part of our mind that I strive to empower.

To address procrastination, we begin by recognising the urge to avoid uncomfortable situations and consciously deciding how we would like to respond. When we notice the early signs of procrastination, or even the urge, we should engage the 4-step Change Process.

The first step is Focus Reset. The goal here is to ground ourselves in the Conscious Mind, home to our wisdom, kindness, values and logic. Enabling us to better respond to the stories of our Rooted Mind. Focus Reset involves shifting our focus from our mind to our body. Stretch and move, reminding yourself that your thoughts and feelings exist inside your body. Ground yourself in your environment by noting five things you can see. Finally, take a deep breath, inhaling to the count of five and exhaling to the count of six.

The second step is Self-Compassion. Being kind to ourselves when procrastination occurs can be difficult but is vital for making changes. Shifting perspective can help; consider what you might say to someone else in a similar situation. Imagine sitting in a support group for people struggling with procrastination, and the person next to you is telling a story similar to yours. Would you criticise them or be supportive and kind? If you struggle with this, picture someone in your life who you consider kind and imagine what compassionate words they might say.

The third step is Reframing, which means looking at situations in a more rational, realistic, healthy, and helpful way. In terms of procrastination, this means examining the stories the Rooted Mind tells us that lead to this behaviour. Most commonly, these stories trigger anxiety. At the heart of anxiety is the intolerance of uncertainty. Due to the inherent uncertainty of the future, the Rooted Mind tells us that something negative will result from taking action. For example, “If I send this email, I worry that the recipient will be offended and not respond to me.”

We can use evidence to consider the reality of the fear. If you have a relationship with the person you are emailing, think about how they have responded to your messages in the past. Is there clear evidence of offense being taken, or do they respond positively? More broadly, ask how your messages are generally received. Do you have a history of negative responses, or do people usually show displeasure at your messages? If yes, you may need to look at how you write messages. The goal is to send messages that pass our Mirror Test, meaning you can look in the mirror and say “I stand by my actions”.

Another important aspect of Reframing is to look at our motivation for undertaking an action we may want to avoid. Motivation comprises reason, need, and desire.

The reason to take an uncomfortable action might be that sending the email could lead to a positive outcome, such as a job opportunity or arranging a social interaction. The need could be for the income generated by a job opportunity or the values-based need for social contact.

Desires to take action can include that it is fun to do. However, we may struggle to find our desire to do something. This is normal, so we then focus on the reason and need instead.

Whatever they are, we want to practice reminding ourselves of our motivations in a supportive and compassionate tone. This is key to creating an environment of encouragement. Again, the support group metaphor can help. If it’s difficult to picture a stranger, consider family members, the environment, or even animals to help you connect with your compassion.

Be aware that any positive images associated with this exercise may be fleeting, which is common. Trying to make our mind do something is akin to trying to tame a wild horse. I note this to prevent this exercise from creating another wave of self-criticism.

The final question in Reframing is always the 5-minute question: Is there anything you can do about the situation you are procrastinating on in the next 5 minutes? If the answer is yes, take action. If no, ask what you can do instead of ruminating.

The fourth and final step of the Change Process is Mindful Valued Living. The goal is to undertake meaningful activities, such as going for a walk, calling a friend, or reading a book. Consistent meaningful actions help us regularly pass our Mirror Test and can contribute to leading a content life.

This brings us to the end of this blog post. We have considered what procrastination is, where it comes from, and how we can begin to manage it. If you, or someone you know, is struggling with procrastination and would like some help, please reach out.

Thanks,

James